You followed someone else to a country that was not your idea.
Trailing spouse therapy for the identity crisis of subordinating your life to someone else's career.
Moving abroad for your partner can look like love from the outside. From the inside it can feel like slow erasure.
You didn’t just change countries. You lost your job context, your social status, your daily competence, and the invisible structure that told you who you were. And then you’re expected to be grateful.
If any of these are true, you’re not alone:
- You’re resentful, and ashamed of being resentful.
- You feel dependent in a way that makes you feel smaller.
- You can’t find your place, so you start disappearing inside the relationship.
- You keep thinking: “This isn’t what I agreed to,” even though technically it is.
What this work focuses on
We work on reclaiming agency: not by pretending the move didn't cost you, but by naming the cost clearly. When the grief is unnamed, it turns into blame and corrosion. We also look at the relationship dynamic that tends to form: one person becomes the 'competent local' and the other becomes the 'dependent outsider.' That imbalance does things to desire, respect, and power even in good marriages.
Who comes for this work
Most trailing spouses who find me have been managing alone for a long time. They've been told, implicitly or explicitly, that they chose this. That they should be grateful. That their partner is working hard to support them. All of that may be true and still leave them quietly disappearing.
Some are considering leaving the relationship. Others want to stay but can't figure out how to get back to themselves inside it. Some are primarily dealing with their own loss of identity and professional footing. Others are trying to understand why the relationship has changed in ways neither of them can name.
Individual work and couples work are both options here. Individual sessions focus on you: what you've lost, what you're building, and what the move cost that hasn't been acknowledged. Couples sessions bring the dynamic into the room so both people can see it.
The practical reality
Sessions are online via secure video call: 60 minutes for individual or couples work ($200 / €170, with longer sessions at pro-rated rates). Time zones across Europe, the Gulf, and most of Asia work without difficulty. Before your first session, we have a brief 15-minute call to see if this feels like the right fit for you.
What Clients Say
“I came in thinking I knew what my issues were. I’d been over them a hundred times. But those were just the things I could already see. Aaron helped me notice what I couldn’t, and that’s where everything actually started to change.”
“I didn’t think online therapy could really work. How do you feel a connection through a screen? But I’ve done in-person therapy before, and honestly, I’ve felt more understood by Aaron than by any therapist I’ve sat across from. He listens in a way that’s hard to describe until you experience it.”
“A few years ago I suddenly developed prolonged panic attacks but couldn’t begin to understand what had caused them. Having been in therapy in the past, and being a counseling intern student, I felt I had exhausted my resources trying to figure out “What is wrong with me?” I can honestly say Aaron provides a form of counseling that is difficult to find anywhere else regarding efficacy. Not only has his approach been effective, but he also has provided me a safe space to explore aspects about myself I may not otherwise have felt able to. I cannot recommend him enough as he has helped me feel more myself than ever before.”
“I’d been in and out of therapy for years. Different therapists, different approaches, none of it really stuck. Aaron helped me understand more in a few months than all of them combined. And he talked to me like a normal person, not like all this weird therapy-speak.”