Notice the pattern. Every time you start to lean toward a decision, a feeling begins to form, and at exactly that moment, a counterargument arrives. The counterargument is not random. Its function is to neutralize the feeling before it can organize into a clear preference. You are not overthinking because you cannot decide. You are overthinking because the overthinking keeps you from having to decide, which keeps you from having to feel what you actually want, which keeps you safe from the terror of acting on your own behalf.

Overthinking is not a failure of cognition. It is a successful defense against feeling. The person who cannot decide is not confused. They do not trust their own feelings enough to let a feeling be the basis of a decision.

Underneath the overthinking is a doubt about your right to your own preferences. You have learned to treat the shoulds as more authoritative than the wants, and the shoulds terrorize you into paralysis. I work with this pattern in real time, in the room, tracking the moments when a feeling begins and the analysis arrives to stamp it out.

Related

GuiltThe shoulds as enforcement. Impostor SyndromeAnother form of not trusting yourself. My ApproachHow I work with patterns.
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