You know what happens after. The quiet. The look on your partner's face. Your kids checking the mood when you walk in the door. You have tried breathing. Walking away. Counting. It works for a while. Then it stops working, because the anger is not actually the problem.

There is something that happens in the half-second before anger shows up. A hurt. A helplessness. The feeling that you do not matter, or that something unfair is happening and you cannot stop it. That feeling is so fast and so painful that your system converts it into anger before you can register what it was. Anger at least feels strong. The thing underneath it does not.

Every approach you have tried has gone after the anger. This one goes after what the anger is protecting.

The anger is not what needs fixing. It is a signal. Something underneath it has been getting pushed down for a long time, and the anger is the only way it knows how to surface.

Why techniques stall out

CBT for anger has a real evidence base. It teaches you to spot hostile thoughts, slow down your reactions, practice relaxation. And for immediate containment, those tools matter. But the research also shows something awkward: effect sizes for anger treatment have barely moved in twenty years. More techniques have not led to better outcomes.

The reason, I think, is that most of these approaches treat anger like a malfunction. Something to be corrected. They do not ask what the anger is doing there in the first place, or what would happen if it stopped. I work from the character-analytic tradition, which takes a different view. Anger is not a behavior problem. It is part of how a person has organized their entire emotional life. Change the organization and the anger changes with it. More on how I think about anger.

How sessions work

Fifty minutes over secure video. No homework, no worksheets, no anger logs. We talk. I pay attention to what is happening between us in real time, not just to the story you are telling me. You will bring your anger pattern into the room. That is not a problem. It is the material.

Before your first session we do a 15-minute call to see if this is the right fit. I am a therapist, not a doctor. If anger is putting anyone in physical danger, the first step is safety, and I can help you figure out what that looks like.

Common questions

Is this anger management?
No. Anger management teaches you to contain the anger. This works with what is producing it. Containment is important when safety is at risk. But lasting change comes from understanding, not from holding it in better.
How is this different from CBT?
CBT goes after the thoughts. It helps you catch hostile interpretations and swap them out. That can be useful on the surface. This therapy asks a prior question: why does your mind organize around hostility to begin with? Answer that, and the thoughts lose their grip without you having to wrestle each one.
What does it cost?
$200 / €170 for a 60-minute session. Couples: $200 / €170 for 60 minutes. Longer sessions available at pro-rated rates. All currencies accepted. More on fees.

Related

Understanding AngerThe full clinical picture. Same PatternWhen the fights follow a script. AttachmentWhen anger is the only feeling allowed. My ApproachHow I work with this.
Completely private. No insurance, no diagnosis codes, no health registry, no GP notification, no employer visibility. You pay directly. Your therapy is between us and stays that way. More

Contact Aaron

You do not have to be ready. You do not have to know what to say. A few sentences is enough.

Session fees:Individual & Couples (60 min): $200 / €170
All currencies accepted.